COPYRIGHT 2012 CREATORS.COM Dear Annie: I never thought I’d be writing, but here I am. I was a single mother and struggled to raise my children without help. They are all good kids. ADVERTISING One daughter, “Susan,” lives 2,000 miles
Dear Annie: I never thought I’d be writing, but here I am. I was a single mother and struggled to raise my children without help. They are all good kids.
One daughter, “Susan,” lives 2,000 miles away from the rest of the family. She left home early, went to the big city and educated herself. She is the only member of the family to have a degree, and we are very proud of her. Susan has worked hard to distance herself from her blue-collar roots. She has high expectations of the rest of her family in terms of our behavior and attitudes, and we invariably disappoint her. Recently, Susan cut off all contact because the stress of dealing with us is “making her ill.”
Next spring, Susan will be marrying into a wealthy family. She has made it clear that we are not to behave in any manner that embarrasses her and informed me she will have friends “keeping an eye on us” throughout the event. It hurts all of us that we are not up to par for the social circles she is now a part of.
If I go to the wedding, I cannot genuinely be myself. I was looking forward to meeting her new in-laws. (I haven’t met them in the five years she’s been with her fiance.) I want to share in Susan’s joy, but I feel I’ll be an actor in her play. She doesn’t truly want me there. She only wants me to fill a role.
Do I bow out of the celebration and regret it for the rest of my life? Or do I attend and participate in this charade? — Heartbroken Mother of the Bride
Dear Mother: You’ve answered your own question. If you don’t attend, you’ll regret it for the rest of your life. So go. Most weddings require a certain amount of play-acting and being on one’s very best behavior. Surely you can manage it for a few hours on Susan’s wedding day. Yes, she seems more than a little snobby, but if you don’t focus on how much you dislike your role at the wedding, you might even enjoy yourself. Please try.
Dear Annie: I am a bartender and waitress at a small local restaurant. We recently worked a big party that included drinks and a three-course meal. When it came time to pay, the customer left us a fairly large tip.
When my boss found out how much money they left, he decided to take a portion of it. He said he deserved it because he provided the atmosphere and decorations and also helped cook the meal.
I was under the assumption a tip goes to the server. Wouldn’t the customer be insulted to know the owner is not only getting the profits from the restaurant, but also taking the tips? Am I being greedy, or does this seem wrong to you? — Michigan
Dear Michigan: In most instances, owners are not legally entitled to take the tips given directly to their servers, even if the owners are helping out in the kitchen or at the bar. If your boss makes a habit of this, you can report him to your local labor board.
Dear Annie: I read the letter from “Jane in Ohio,” who is angry because her husband only takes her dancing once a week.
Many of my friends and I are widows. We go dancing four or five times a week, but we do country line dancing. This means we no longer need a partner and can be on the floor all night without having to wait to be asked to dance. It is good fun and great exercise, and there are lessons at almost every senior center. Jane might enjoy doing that on the nights when her husband wants to stay home. — Marci in Ohio
Dear Marci: Several readers recommended line dancing since it doesn’t require a partner. We hope Jane will look into it.
Dear Annie: I just returned from my sister’s destination wedding. She didn’t invite my teenage children. She arranged for the rest of the family to have free accommodations, but not me, her only sister. This wedding was a huge financial burden, and I also felt insulted.
I recently learned that both of her grown children will be getting married next year — also destination weddings. They again will not be inviting my children, which means finding places for them to stay while I’m out of town.
What is appropriate here? It’s obvious the people who can go will be the ones who can afford it. This just doesn’t seem fair to me. How should I respond? — Destination Unknown
Dear Destination: You behaved well by attending your sister’s inconvenient wedding, but you do not have to impoverish yourself in order to attend the weddings of her children. A bridal couple gets to choose their wedding location. Guests get to RSVP “yes” or “no.” We recommend sending your sincere regrets and a nice gift.
Dear Annie: “Worried Hubby” said he regularly frequents a neighborhood coffee shop, and one particular friend, “Harry,” likes to flirt with his wife. You gave him several suggestions for handling this. I have one more:
The next time Harry sits with Hubby’s wife, kisses her and puts his arm around her, Hubby should take a photo with his cellphone. Then, when Harry’s wife stops by, he should show her the photo, saying how much the two of them enjoy Harry’s frequent company. She would be glad to know how friendly her husband is, especially when she is nowhere in sight. Problem solved. — Practical in Wisconsin
Annie’s Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Please email your questions to anniesmailboxcomcast.net, or write to: Annie’s Mailbox, c/o Creators Syndicate, 737 3rd St., Hermosa Beach, CA 90254.
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