College football — or whatever it is now — is back

College football is fully underway this weekend, and as is the case with the arrival of September, there’s apparently nothing that can be done to stop it.

Frequent visitors to this space know that we’ve soured just a bit on the college game over the years, but now that its recognizable forms have been blown to bits, we’re willing to walk through the rubble in search of hope.

You’re welcome.

As you’re doubtless aware if you’ve read this far, explosive political and cultural forces colliding within the sports media ecosystem have convulsed the sport in the 2020’s. Happily enough, a massive power shift from the universities and the NCAA to the “student-athletes” is well underway, and despite the predictable caterwauling, that is a good thing. The transition, however, is a little Mad Max, because the players can apparently now transfer to other schools at halftime as well as command millions of dollars in NIL money (compensation for their name, image, and likeness) based as much on their number of Instagram followers as their actual ability.

Coaches are freaking out, of course, or just retiring, because now that players are getting paid above the table, the pressure for success just spiked by a factor of 100. Also, coaches are suspicious of any system where someone other than themselves and the TV executives are authorized to milk the cash cow. Colorado quarterback Shedeur Sanders has an NIL deal through Nike worth $4.7 million. He could probably retire after college football.

But for all of this, the sport continues to flourish, even academically, at least by some measures. According to the National Football Foundation, more than 3,500 players on the field this fall already have their degrees, and the number of schools playing the game has reached an all-time high of 774. New programs this fall include the Simpson University Red Hawks, who somehow eschewed both absolute killer nicknames The Fighting Homers and the Krusty Clowns. Look people, I can’t do everything.

What’s particularly interesting — not all of those 774 teams are in the Big Ten.

The Big Ten does have 18 teams now, the Big 12 has 16, and the Atlantic Coast Conference has 17, including Cal and Stanford, all of which makes you long for the days when universities had math departments, to say nothing of maps.

History departments, should they still have those, will be aware that the Big Ten had 10 teams for most of the 20th Century, solidifying the brand pretty well. But when Penn State joined in 1993, graphic artists had to scramble to create a Big Ten logo with the number 11 hidden in it. Then Nebraska joined in 2011 and Maryland and Rutgers glommed on in 2014. Still, until this year, the Ten in the Big Ten logo at least meant it had the same number of teams for the past 10 years, then came the fresh arrival of time (zone) traveling UCLA, USC, Oregon, and Washington.

So the new Big Ten has 18 teams from 13 states, from California to New Jersey, the Big 12 has 16 teams from nine states, from Utah to Florida, and the ACC for football breaks down like this:

Number of teams: 17.

Number of states: 12.

Number of U.S. States with actual Atlantic coast lines: 14.

Number of ACC schools within 100 miles of an Atlantic Ocean beach: 2.

The Southeast Conference, which we haven’t mentioned, has 16 teams of a general southeast orientation, though it now includes Texas, Texas A&M, and Oklahoma. All of this means the so-called Power Five conferences are now the Power Four, unless you want to argue that Pac-12 retains a power designation now that only Washington State and Oregon State are left to turn out the lights at the Pac-2.

On the surface, the game looks largely the same with only some minor rules changes for 2024, such as that there will be a two-minute warning in both halves as in the NFL, a relic from the time when stadiums had no clocks and only the officials knew how much time was left. In this century, it merely ensures an all-out blitz of commercials.

Additionally, the colleges will adopt helmet communications this year, with one player on offense and one on defense being wired for sideline communications. This should end the frantic, color-coded collegiate signaling and should further prevent sign stealing, but who would do that?

Michigan, I know.

Also, coaches and players can now do on-field interviews between the quarters and not just at the end of the halves (oh, joy!), and teams can use up to 18 electronic tablets in the coaches box and on the sidelines, provided they display in-game video only. So boys, no Fortnite, Dragon Age Inquisition, or Call of Duty War Zone. Maybe next year.

From a competition standpoint, the big news is a 12-team playoff to determine the national championship, tripling the size of the previous format. Some take this to mean Penn State will finally qualify. Believe that when you see it.

In the meantime, enjoy college football if you must, and pretend you didn’t just see Arkansas Pine Bluff lose by 70 on your television. The Golden Lions are going to need more tablets.