Aloha and almost Jingle Bells time. Are you still shopping? If so, you definitely need some LOL’s. No political humor today. Impossible to find, so just hang those Christmas decorations and sing along with the old carols.
• A first-grade boy comes home from school all excited. Finally, after his mother calmed him, he says, “I got a part in the school Christmas play. It will be next week and you and Dad have to promise to come.”
“OK, yes,” says his mother. “What part did you get?”
He calms down a bit and with a smile says, “I’m one of the three wise guys!” His mother could not contain her laughter.
• For any of you who have been curious about this: Impeach is a verb! Impeachment is a noun! Time to get going on both.
• A man is going to a fancy Christmas party, so goes to a barber shop for shave, haircut and shoe shine. The barber seats him and lathers his face, then sharpens the straight-edge razor while a gorgeous woman kneels down and starts shining his shoes. The man says to her, “Hi there. You know, you and I should spend some time together.”
She replies: “My husband wouldn’t like that.”
The man says: “Tell him you’re working overtime, and I’ll pay you the difference.”
She says: “You tell him. He’s the one shaving you!”
One more oldie?
• The secret to having no enemies — Outlive them all!
More new words in the dictionary:
• Sibling: You’d give them a kidney, but wouldn’t allow them to borrow your charger.
• Cellfish: People who just focus on their phones when they’re hanging out with you.
• Procrastinating: I’m not putting off my tasks until the last minute, I’m just prioritizing my personal time!
• A 7-year-old boy is sitting on a park bench eating a large chocolate bar. The man sitting next to him looks over and says:
“Eating that much chocolate is bad for you!”
The boy looks over and says: “My grandfather lived to be 105!”
The man replies: “And he ate that much chocolate?”
“No,” says the young boy, “he minded his own bloody business!”
Time to wind down…
• In the first year of a marriage, the man speaks and the wife listens. In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens. In the third year, they both speak and the neighbors listen!
Happy Holidays, my friends, and give from your heart to so many in need. Be happy, don’t worry, aloha, a hui hou.
Shay Bintliff, MD writes a weekly humor column for West Hawaii Today.
