Aloha all! Responding to several readers, I will start with some one-liners as a warm up. Then we’ll get to some serious LOLs.
• Why are math textbooks so stressed? They deal only with problems.
• Why was the farmer upset? His cows were very moo-dy.
• Why are movie stars so cool? They have so many fans. One more?
• What happened when the wheel was invented? It caused a world-wide revolution! Duh!
• The Texas sheriff was looking for a deputy. So, Chad, the new recruit who was a blonde man wanted the job.
“OK,” the sheriff drawled, “Chad, what is 1+1?”
Chad replied, “11.”
The sheriff thought it was not what he expected for an answer, but it was correct. Then he asked, “What two days of the week start with the letter T?”
Chad answered, “Today and tomorrow.”
Again, the sheriff was surprised and thought that maybe Chad had a creative mind.
“Now Chad, listen carefully, Who killed Abraham Lincoln?”
Chad looked a bit surprised, thought for a few minutes, then responded: “I don’t know!”
The sheriff said, “Well, why don’t you go home and work on that one for awhile.”
So, Chad wandered over to the pool hall where his pals were waiting to hear about the results of his interview.
“Hey Chad, How was it?”
Chad responded, “It went great. First day on the job and I’m already working on a murder case!” (Did you forget that Chad was blonde?)
• Why did the snail get a giant letter S painted on his Ferrari? So people will say, “Look at that S-car go!”
• A man and a dog walk into a talent agent’s office. The agent says, “OK, let’s make this quick. I’m busy. What’s your talent?”
The man says, “It’s not me sir, it’s my dog. He talks!”
“Yea right,” says the agent. Get out! I’m busy.”
“No wait,” says the man, I’ll prove it.” He turns to the dog and asks, “What do you normally find on the top of a house?”
“Roof!” says the dog, wagging its tail. Then the man asks the dog, “How does sandpaper feel?”
“Rough,” exclaims the dog.
The agent again says, “You’re wasting my time!”
“Just one more,” pleads the dog’s owner. He then asks the dog, “Who was the greatest baseball player ever?”
“Ruth,” barked the dog!
“OK, that’s it,” and the agent forces them out the door. Turning to the man, the dog sighs and says, “Maybe I should have said Joe DiMaggio?”
• A man tells his doctor that he can’t do all the things around the house that he used to do. After a thorough exam and some blood test, the doctor says to the man, “Well, in plain English, I think you are just lazy.”
With a smile, the man says, “OK, now give me the medical term so I can tell that wife of mine. Maybe she’ll even have some sympathy for me.”
Yes, it is almost winter time. So remember, you know it’s a cold day when your teeth start chattering and they’re still on the night stand.
Now to close, looking at my medical career, I can honestly say that impeachment is like the emergency room. We need to practice preventative medicine. Last LOL, my friends, be well, do good deeds.
Aloha, a hui hou.
Shay Bintliff, MD, writes a monthly humor column for West Hawaii Today.