Aloha friends and family … Let’s start with one you may have heard but definitely is worth repeating!
• Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should both be changed regularly — and for the same reason!
• We now live in a society where pizza gets to our homes faster than the police. (Yep, my policeman friend told me that one!)
• Always borrow money from a pessimist friend…They won’t expect it back.
• Your shinbone is a special device for finding furniture in a dark room.
…and the last one for all my computer-whiz-kids:
• A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kickboxing!
• A beautiful young blonde model boarded a plane to New York with a ticket for the economy section. She looked at her section, then at first class, and realized that those seats looked more comfortable, so she took the last open seat in first class. The flight attendant checked her ticket and told her she had an economy class seat.
The blonde said: “But I’m a famous model, and I’m going to sit here all the way to N.Y.”
Flustered, the attendant informed the captain of the situation. The captain went to the blonde and told her the her seat was in economy. Again she ranted about being famous and that she would sit in first class.
The captain returned to the cockpit and shared the situation again. The co-pilot said he used to date a model like that and he knew how to solve the problem. He went back and whispered something in the blonde’s ear.
She got up immediately, said “OK, thank you,” and returned to her seat in economy.
The pilot and attendant were watching and asked the co-pilot what he said to the woman.
He replied, “I just told her that the first class seats aren’t going to New York!”
• Yes, many police officers are very clever. A sign at a stop light: “Complete stop: Free. Rolling stop: $109 ticket. Your choice.”
• Whoever it was in the bar that told a man to leave his car and take the bus home. He tells the gang, “Turns out I was not fit to drive that either.”
• Man with a license plate that reads: “I’M SEXY” was stopped by a cop who gives him two tickets: $100 for speeding and $250 for misleading the public.
Yep … he was nowhere near sexy!
One more?
• The officer says to the driver: “You’re staggering.”
The driver replies, “You’re quite handsome yourself.” The two just laughed and laughed.
The driver sent a message to his wife: “Honey, I need bail money!”
• And this last one won the Razzie worst joke award: Did you hear about the two guys who stole a calendar? They each got six months.
Yep. Gives bad new meaning.
Do good deeds, wave at visitors and your friends. Aloha, a hui hou.