Seldom do I go into my community that I am not stopped by some nice person who has a medical question. Knowing that I am the ‘laughter lady’ I try very hard to maintain a sense of humor. So, here are some questions and my standard answers:
• “Hey, Doc Shay, does cardiovascular exercise really prolong life?” My standard answer: “Your heart is good for only so many beats. Don’t waste them on exercise. Eventually it will wear out. But life will be soooo much better if you give your heart to a really sweet person!
• “Hey Doc….should I reduce my alcohol intake?” Answer: Oh no, if you are a moderate. You know that wine is made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine that water has been removed. Beer is made from grains. Bottom up!
• “Is chocolate bad for me?” You clueless? Cocoa bean is just another vegetable. It’s the best feel-good food around!
And the grande finale:
• “Is swimming good for my figure?” Answer: If swimming is good for your figure, explain a whale to me!!”
Not often I will meet an old friend from Honokaa who bugs me about not having Portagee jokes in my column. So, my friend Brah, this one’s for you!
Manuel was looking for work. He walked up to a house and asked the owner if he had any odd jobs that needed doing. The homeowner said that the porch at the rear of the house needed painting. They agreed on the price and the man gave Manuel a brush and a bucket of paint.
A little while later, Manuel returned to the front door and said the job was done. After being paid, and as he was walking away, Manuel said: “By the way, that isn’t a Porsche, it’s a Lincoln.”
And now with Mother’s Day this coming week, in memory of my amazing, loving Mom!
My friend Sally used to always say: It’s 5 o’clock and the children are still alive. I’ve done my job!
A woman asked her doctor if a woman should have children after thirty-five. The doctor smiled and jokingly said: “35 is enough for any woman!”
Growing up in Texas, when my Mom got really mad at my brother she would say: “Your butt is my meat.” Not a particularly attractive phrase, and it amused my father, who would then say: “Now, what wine goes with that?”
Almost time to close.but I have seen some great tee shirts with very funny messages. In fact I ordered one for my son, Pono. He is a local landscape business owner, and the shirt was sooo perfect. It said under a drawing of a lawnmower: “Mowologist.”
Couple other tees:
• Back off. I have a SISTER and I’m not afraid to use her!
• Line Dancing was started by WOMEN waiting to use the bathroom.
• THE MAIN REASON FOR STRESS IS DAILY CONTACT WITH IDIOTS!
Well, my friends, that’s it for today. Be happy, be generous. Aloha, a hui hou.