KAILUA-KONA — Two Big Island women have the opportunity to bring attention to issues facing veteran caregivers in the state of Hawaii on a national level.
Lori Smith-Starnes, of Waikoloa, and Ililani Foree, of Kamuela, were among those selected for the Elizabeth Dole Foundation’s 2019 class of Dole Caregiver Fellows. Twenty-six military and veteran caregivers were chosen across the country to represent the foundation. The fellowship lasts for two years.
“I feel really positive,” Smith-Starnes said of her opportunity to be a fellow. “I think it’s going to help a lot of people and I’m excited to be a part of it.”
The Dole Foundation and Caregiver Fellows program was founded in 2012 by Sen. Elizabeth Dole to directly engage military and veteran caregivers in the Foundation’s mission. The 2019 Fellows represent 20 states and the District of Columbia. It adopts a comprehensive approach in its support and advocacy, working with leaders in the public, private, nonprofit and faith communities to recognize military caregivers’ service and promote their well-being.
The Dole Foundation is the preeminent organization empowering, supporting and honoring the nation’s 5.5 million military caregivers – the spouses, parents, family members, and friends — who care for America’s wounded, ill or injured service members and veterans at home.
‘SOME OF HIS WOUNDS ARE JUST COMING OUT’
Smith-Starnes and Foree are caregivers for their veteran husbands. Both women explained they never expected they would be in the positions they are now as full-time caregivers.
“Everything I thought was going to happen to me didn’t happen,” Smith-Starnes said.
Smith-Starnes’ husband Dave was a soldier in the United States Army for over 20 years. In 2010, he was injured while serving on a combat tour in Afghanistan during his ninth deployment. In 2014, her son Russ Starnes was injured while on deployment.
Dave Starnes suffers from post traumatic stress, traumatic brain injury, hearing loss and debilitating migraines. Over the past nine years, his wife has been his full-time caregiver as well as a part-time caregiver for her son, who also suffers from PTSD.
“You think, you’re going to retire, he’s going to be relaxed and there will be different life for him because he’s served his country,” Smith-Starnes said as she recalled what she thought life would be like after her husband left the Army. “You literally have to stop what you’re doing to be there for him.”
Smith-Starnes said retirement hit her husband hard. It was difficult not having discipline, not being around soldiers.
“It’s been very different and difficult,” she said. “I’m basically learning a new normal. You just have to learn how to dig up your resources just to get through today.”
Being in Hawaii has been the best thing for Smith-Starnes recovery. There are also drawbacks as Hawaii Island is separated from many of the services available to veterans.
The United States Department of Veterans Affairs operates outpatient clinics in Kona and Hilo as well as the Hilo Vet Center.
“For me specifically, being in Hawaii we are segregated,” Smith-Starnes said of the services available to veterans on the Big Island. “Our husbands and us don’t have the same resources. To lump soldiers in one category is ineffective.”
To get any kind of additional treatment outside of the outpatient clinic in Kona, Smith-Starnes has to travel to Oahu with her husband.
“I think they see Hawaii as a whole,” she said of legislators and other professionals involved in veteran care. “We need a different kind of support here.”
As a Dole Fellow Smith-Starnes wants to work with senators and the VA to find ways to get extra support needed on the Big Island.
“It’s just a different animal being here,” she said. “Some of his wounds are just coming out. It’s been five years and I’m just seeing more issues that we have to tackle.”
While it’s been harder for her husband to adapt to life, Smith-Starnes said life hasn’t been easy for her either as she also lost her support system and friends when they relocated to Big Island for a job opportunity.
“I’m hoping to bring back some of that cohesion that I lost,” she said.
Smith-Starnes said she wants to have more of a voice for veterans and their caregivers.
“I have a wealth of knowledge,” she said, adding she believes sharing her experience could be beneficial to other caregivers. “No veteran has been left untouched.”
‘THE STRUGGLE IS LEARNING THIS IS OUR NEW NORMAL’
Foree wanted to get involved as a fellow to advocate and educate herself in how to make changes for veteran caregivers.
“My husband got hurt in Afghanistan roughly about five years” ago, she said. “The majority of our struggles was knowing how my veteran was before war. He has a lot of invisible wounds. He looks like the man I married, but he isn’t.”
For Foree and her family, their issues have been financial. An Army veteran, Destin Foree was injured in 2011 by an IED explosion. He was hospitalized for nine days and sustained hearing loss in one ear, a chronic back injury, traumatic brain injury and PTSD.
He’s not even 40 years old and he’s forgetting things,” Foree said. He can’t remember if he’s taken his medication or when his doctor appointments are.
On top of that, the VA has denied Foree’s application for a caregiver stipend, despite two doctor recommendations.
Foree has been unable to work as she cares for her husband full-time.
“There’s no one else who can care for them as we can,” she said. “The struggle is learning this is our new normal.”
Destin Foree served in the military for 16 years. He was deployed twice and was the recipient of the Purple Heart and Bronze Star.
“What I’m dealing with every day is invisible wounds, the mental anguish,” Foree said.
Foree’s ultimate goal as a fellow is to educate people about what’s going on with veterans and their caregivers and right the wrongs of the laws.
As fellows, this is a chance for Foree and Smith-Starnes to voice their opinions.
“I’m not the only one,” Foree said. “I want to be the voice for everyone who’s going through this. Especially being in Hawaii, we’re taught to go with the flow, don’t make waves. But this — I can no longer stay silent.”
In November the fellows will have an opportunity to meet with members of Congress, providing an outlet to discuss issues facing veteran caregivers.
Foree hopes to also be a use to those families waiting for soldiers to return home.
“We need to brief these men and women about what really happens about when they come home from war,” Foree said. “There are many out there who don’t know where to turn to.”
Foree encouraged the community to reach out to her with their concerns about veterans and their caregivers.
“If I don’t have the answer, I’ll go find it. I want to put the two years that I am a fellow to good use,” she said.
Foree can be reached by email at: Irc4ee@yahoo.com.
