As you read this today, remember it is Veterans Day! Soooo, these first LOLs are dedicated to all the men and women in uniform now and in the past.
An Air Force sergeant went before a promotion board, hoping to move to lieutenant. One member of the board asked him a trick question: “Who won the World Series?” He pondered for awhile, realizing he knew little about sports. Then he answered, “I’m really sorry, sir, I don’t watch much football!”
Did you move your clocks? Well, Nov. 4 was a very busy night at Stonehenge as workers moved all the stones forward one hour! Yes, it is an astronomical clock. You don’t know about it? Google it!
A medical assistant is talking to a patient who called in for an appointment. She asks the patient when the symptoms started. “Yesterday,” the patient responds. The assistant then says, “Sorry, it is a pre-existing condition and your insurance will not cover it!”
Santa Claus is lying on the psychiatrist exam lounge chair trying to explain why he is there. He finally says with anger, “OK, so some days I just do not want to read my mail!”
A college student writes a letter home: “Dear Folks: I feel miserable because I have to keep writing for money! I am ashamed but I need another $100. Every cell in my body is rebelling! Forgive me, Your son, Marvin. P.S. I felt so terrible that I ran after the mailman. I wanted to take this letter and burn it! I prayed that I could get it back, but I was too late. A week later, he receives a letter from his father. “Dear Son. Good news! Your prayers were answered. Your letter never came!”
A sixth grade teacher posed the following problem to her math class: A wealthy man dies and leaves $10 million dollars. One-fifth is to go to his wife, one-fifth is to go to his son, one-sixth to his butler and the rest to charity. Now, tell me, what does each get? After a long silence, one little boy raised his hand, and with complete sincerity in his voice answered, “A lawyer!”
A businessman was in a conference that was about to start and one of his friends said, “Hey, how are you?” His reply: “Well, I ran out of coffee his morning. Tequila seemed like a reasonable replacement! Everyone is so pretty and happy today!”
Out of the mouths of babes … Finding one of her students making faces at others on the playground at recess, Ms. Smith stopped to gently reprimand the child. Then she thought of her favorite solution. Smiling sweetly, the teacher said, “Mickey, when I was a child, I was told that if I make ugly faces, it would freeze and I would stay like that!” Just as he teacher paused, Johnny stopped and thought about his response. He then said, “Well, Ms. Smith, you can’t say you weren’t warned!”
And now to close … What did one DNA say to another? “Do these genes make me look look fat?” Whoops … that’s it for today!
Be well … Aloha, a hui hou.
