Yep, I know it was last week, but how can I not share funny Independence Day jokes with you?!
Food, Family, Fourth of July, and Fireworks! The four best F words ever! … How come there are no knock-knock jokes about America? Because freedom rings! … What does the Statue of Liberty stand for? It can’t sit down! … What do you call a duck that celebrates the 4th? A fire quacker! One more? …What did one flag say to the other flag? Nothing! It just waved!
OK, you single folks, you need this one! A woman is single and lives across the street from an older man. He watched her come home from work one day and then was very surprised when she walked across the street, up his driveway and knocked on his door. He opened the door and she gave him a sexy look and said, “You know, I have this strong urge to go out dancing and drinking, you know, have some real fun. Are you doing anything tonight?” The man, with great excitement, replied, “Nope, I’m free!” “Great,” she replied, “Can you look after my dog?” Ouch … naughty?
Many of you commented about last week’s “My Mother Taught Me” so here are a few more! My mother taught me about contortionism: “Just look at that dirt on the back of your neck! … My mother taught me about stamina! “You’ll sit there until all that spinach is gone. There are starving kids in the world! … My mother taught me about hypocrisy: “If I told you once, I’ve told you a million times, don’t exaggerate! Sound familiar?
A couple was sharing their vacation experiences with a friend. “It sounds as if you had a great time in Texas,” the friend observed. “But you didn’t tell me you were planning to visit Colorado.” “Well,” the husband replied, “We changed our plans because, uh…” Then his wife cut in, “Oh, tell the truth, Fred!” Fred was completely silent. After a long pause, the wife continued, ”You know, it’s just ridiculous! Fred simply will not use any navigation devices or ask for directions!”
Yes, we doctors do give advice. If you are on a date and not real happy, when it is over and he says to you, “Your place or mine?” answer with a smile and say, “Both! You go to yours and I’ll go to mine!”
At a psychiatrist’s office a patient is asked, “Do you consume alcohol?” “No!” he responds. “Do you smoke?” “No!” he says. “Do you use drugs?” “No!” he says once again. “Do you mistreat women?” “No!” he says for the fourth time. “So, why did you come to me?” the doctor asks. “You see, doc, I have this one little problem .. I lie a lot!” he replies.
And to close … The reason a dog has so many friends is that he wags his tail instead of his tongue!
Be happy … don’t worry … do good deeds! Aloha, a hui hou.
