Many of you know that I am a “senior citizen” so, for all my “associates,” I offer the following: My goal for 2018 was to lose 10 pounds. Only 15 to go! … I just did a week’s worth of cardio after walking into a spider web! … I don’t mean to brag, but I finished my 14-day diet food in 3 hours and 20 minutes! … and the best will be at the end of the column!
Many of you know that I am a “senior citizen” so, for all my “associates,” I offer the following: My goal for 2018 was to lose 10 pounds. Only 15 to go! … I just did a week’s worth of cardio after walking into a spider web! … I don’t mean to brag, but I finished my 14-day diet food in 3 hours and 20 minutes! … and the best will be at the end of the column!
Little Johnny returns home from school and says to his father with shame, “I got an F in arithmetic!” “Why,” asks his father. “Well, the teacher asked me ‘How much is 3×2?’ I said ‘6.’” “But that’s right,” his father replied. “Then she asked me, ‘How much is 2×3?” “What the heck is the stupid difference?” asked the father. “That’s what I said!”
In the bank one day, a woman (yep blonde) looked on he floor and saw a wad of money with an elastic band around it. She asked out loud, ”Who dropped a wad of money?” “I did,” came a response from a man at the teller.” “Well, here’s your elastic band,” she responded with a smile!
Doctor Jones, very well known for his treatment for arthritis, had a waiting room full when a little old lady, almost bent over in half, shuffled in slowly, leaning on her cane. When her turn came, she went into the doctor’s exam room and within 5 minutes emerged walking completely erect with her head held high! A man in the waiting room rushed over to the old lady and said, “It’s a miracle! You walked in bent in half and now you are walking erect! What did the doctor do?” “He gave me a longer cane!”
Many of you asked for more Phyllis Diller “goodies.” So here are a few! … The reason the golf pro tells you to keep your head down is so you can’t see him laughing! … I asked the waiter, “Is this milk fresh?” He said, “Lady, three hours ago it was grass!” … and the grand finale … “My photographs don’t do me justice. They look just like me!”
And to close with some short funny questions! … Why do people say they “slept like a baby” when babies wake up every two hours? … What disease did cured ham actually have? … and my favorite doctor one: Why do we doctors leave the room while you undress? We’re going to see you naked anyway!
Yep my friends, dats enough for the week! Laugh often, hug those you love and say kind words to them! Aloha, a hui hou.
