Hallelujah! Let’s move on the next holiday … April Fools Day! Surely you had some good ones for family and friends, but if not here’s one!
After 20 years of marriage, a couple was sitting on the couch, when the wife felt her husband’s hand on her shoulder, rubbing it gently. Then his other hand took her hand and he moved it off the side arm of the couch and then onto his shoulder. He then told her to scoot closer and sit on his lap. She was shocked at how long it had been since she’d seen such behavior from him, so she was getting just a bit excited. He then took his hands off her and suddenly got up. In a loving voice she asked, “That was wonderful. Why did you stop?” “I found the remote,” he said … and then the fight began …
OK, they both are still alive and sitting back in the living room, sipping wine. Out of the blue, the wife says, “I love you!” “Is that you or the wine talking?” asked the husband. “It’s me,” says the wife, “talking to my wine!” Yep, and then it began again …
Just a word of advice: Never let an enemy give you a haircut! One more? When you can’t be kind, be quiet!
These will make you laugh and also smarter! Truths for mature humans: I think part of a best friend’s job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die! … There is a great need for a sarcasm font! … MapQuest really needs to start their directions on #5. I’m pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood. (Ever used it?) … Bad decisions make great stories, especially told to your boss … You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you know that you just aren’t going to do anything productive for the rest of the day there!
Now, here’s a few mischievous acts of a clever and funny person at the local Target store: He hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, he yelled “Pick me, pick me!” … When an announcement came over the store’s loud speaker, he assumed the fetal position and screamed, “Oh no, it’s those voices again. How did they know I was here?” … and the grand finale: He goes into a fitting room, shuts the door, waits awhile and then yells very loudly, “Hey! There’s no toilet paper in here! None!”
My good friend is always on a diet, one of many! She says to me over coffee, “My goal for 2017 was to lose just 10 pounds. Still only 15 to go! Maybe 2018?” Then she says, “Oh, I ate salad for dinner last night. Mostly croutons and tomatoes. Really, just one big round crouton covered with tomato sauce. OK, and cheese. I ate pizza. A whole *%$#**pizza!”
Time to close, my friends, with my final “doctor’s order”: Avoid people more neurotic than you! Aloha, a hui hou.