I don’t think any of you would argue with the fact that men and women behave very differently. Here is a great example …
Wife’s Diary: Tonight, I thought my husband was acting weird. We had made plans to meet at a nice restaurant for dinner. I was shopping with my friends all day, so I thought he was upset at the fact I was a bit late, but he made no comment on it. Conversation wasn’t flowing, so I suggested that we go somewhere quiet so we could talk. He agreed, but said almost nothing, so I asked him what was wrong and he said, “Nothing!” I asked him if it was my fault that he was upset. He said he wasn’t upset, that it had nothing to do with me and not to worry about it! On the way home, I told him that I loved him. He smiled slightly, and kept driving. I couldn’t explain his behavior. I don’t know why he didn’t say, “I love you too!” Finally when we arrived home, silence was all around us, so I decided to go to bed. About 15 minutes later, he came to bed and was clearly distracted still. He fell asleep, and I cried. My life is a disaster!
Husband’s diary: A two-foot putt … who the h—- misses a two-foot put? … Yep, all you golfers can identify!
My friend’s husband has a lady barber, mainly because she charges him only $10 to cut his hair. He complained to her one day about the $10 cost because of the nearly bald head he has. She said to him, “Oh, it’s not really a charge for cutting your hair, it’s a finder’s fee!”
As a bartender serves a lady her drink, which is a Scotch with two drops of water, she says, “I’m on this cruise to celebrate my 80th birthday!” The bartender then says, “The next drink is on me!” She replies, “I’ll have the same, a Scotch with two drops of water.” The man sitting next to the woman says, “Give her another and it’s on me!” “Coming right up,” the bartender replies. Then after the woman finishes all the drinks, the bartender says, “Ma’am, I am dying to know of curiosity. Why the Scotch with only two drops of water?” The woman replies, “Sonny, when you’re my age, you’ve learned how to hold your liquor. Holding your water, however, is a whole other issue!”
“Old” is when your sweetie says, “Let’s go upstairs to the bedroom and snuggle and you know,” and you answer, “Pick one, I can’t do both!” Ah yes, this growing old sucks!
It was my friend’s first camping trip with her husband, and they were lost! He tried all the usual tactics to determine direction … moss on the trees (there was none), and direction of the sun (it was overcast). Just as he began to get very frustrated, she spotted a cabin in the distance. “This way,” she said as she led him back to their camp. “How did you do that?” the husband asked. “Simple. In this part of the country, the satellite dishes point south!” (OK, it’s one more for us, ladies!)
Here are some “random thoughts as we age”: I don’t trip over things. I do gravity checks often … Even duct tape can’t fix stupid, but it can muffle the sounds! … Of course I talk to myself! Sometimes I need expert advice! … one more? … At my age “Getting lucky” means walking into a room and remembering what I came in there for!
And to close with a “goodie” … Bob, a 70-year-old, extremely wealthy widower, shows up at his favorite club with a breathtaking, beautiful and very sexy young 25-year-old woman. His buddies at the club are all aghast, and very envious. At the first chance, they corner him and ask, “Man, where did you find such a beautiful, young girlfriend?” Bob replies, “Girlfriend? She’s my wife!” They are amazed, but continue to ask, “So, how did you persuade her to marry you?” “I lied about my age!” Bob replies. “What, did you tell her you were only 50?” Bob smiles and says, “No I told her I was 90!”
Now, I may have told you all this one before, but a reminder is always helpful: “Life is like a dogsled team. If you ain’t the lead dog, the scenery never changes!”
Have a very fun week planning your Halloween costume, or is your real face scary enough?! I love being naughty and you know it! Aloha … a hui hou.
