Happy holidaze, y’all. Here we are again, so let’s just get down and get jolly! ADVERTISING Happy holidaze, y’all. Here we are again, so let’s just get down and get jolly! Hot off the press (once again): the Supreme Court
Happy holidaze, y’all. Here we are again, so let’s just get down and get jolly!
Hot off the press (once again): the Supreme Court has ruled that there will be no nativity scene in Washington, D.C. this Christmas. Again, not for religious reasons … they just simply have not been able to find three wise men and a virgin! Especially with the “new” party in place!
Some gift wrapping suggestions … You know, it is one of those skills, like having babies that comes more naturally to women than men! So, my men friends, here are some gift wrapping tips: Whenever possible, buy gifts that are already wrapped (duh!). If when the recipient opens the gift, neither one of you recognizes it, you can claim it’s a myrrh. If you are giving a really hard to wrap gift, skip the wrapping paper. Just put it inside a large paper bag and stick one of those cute red adhesive bows on it!
A good friend of mine put his wife’s gift in a black trash bag. His wife said, “Why is there a Hefty trash bag under the tree? He said, “It’s a gift for you! See?” She looked into the trash bag and exclaimed, “It’s leaf blower!” He said, “Yes! Gas-powered! Five horsepower! His wife exclaimed, “I want a divorce!” So remember … It’s not what you give, nor how it’s wrapped. The important thing during this very special time of the year, is that you save the receipt!
Now from “out of the mouths of babes:” A group of first-graders approached their teacher the day before the start of the Christmas holidays and said, “When we return in the New Year, we’re organizing a tantrum support group!”
It was that time during the Christmas Sunday service when all the children were invited to come forward and stand in front of the congregation. One little girl was wearing a really pretty red Christmas dress. As she sat down, the pastor remarked to her, “That is a very pretty Christmas dress!” The little girl replied directly into the pastor’s clip-on microphone, “Yes, and my mom says it’s a bitch to iron!”
Just to close, a few “Alody” signs spotted in stores in Texas: On the front door of a toy store: “Ho, Ho, Ho spoken here!” … In a bridal boutique: Marry Christmas! … On a department store window: “Big pre-Christmas Sale. Come in and mangle with the crowd! … In a weight-reducing salon’s window: “24 Shaping Days until Christmas!” … and the grand finale … In a stationary store: “For the man who got his wife everything she wanted, a calendar to remind him when the payments are due!”
Question: What does a reindeer say before telling a bad joke? Answer: “This is really gonna sleigh you!” Now, that gives pathetic new meaning!
Again my friends, Happy holidaze … be kind, and give to the needy and less fortunate. You’ll be surprised how wonderful it will make you feel! Be well … Aloha … a hui hou.
