I met with famous French oceanographer, Jock Crouton, who was in town to attend the dolphin hearings. He claims he talks to dolphins, and even stranger, they talk to him.
I met with famous French oceanographer, Jock Crouton, who was in town to attend the dolphin hearings. He claims he talks to dolphins, and even stranger, they talk to him.
Onboard his research vessel, the Polypso, he has what he calls the Dolphin-o-Chatter, which records dolphin speech and translates it into human words, and vise versa.
With all the discussion about swimming with the aquatic animals, Jock thought it would be good to hear what the dolphins had to say. And they had plenty to say.
The following is a rare conversation between Crouton and two male dolphins off the Kona Coast. He named them Spacey and Racy, and both were a little quick with temper. I was captivated from the get-go. Jock dropped the microphone off the side of the boat and the following ensued:
Jock: So how do you like swimming with people, does it tire you out like they say?
Racy: Heck no, it’s great swimming with humans, if we didn’t like it, one flick of the tail and we’re gone. It’s a good workout for the gills.
Spacey: We don’t have gills, you idiot! Anyway, I especially like swimming with the female humans, gink, gink gink! That’s what they call you, humans, yeah? The ones with two legs and two, long, skinny inefficient flippers?
(Gink is translated as laughter, Jock later informed me after we tied up to a buoy and corkscrewed open a bottle of wine.)
Jock: Yes, humans. What about the tour boats cruising near you, does it bother you?
Spacey: It sure does, that noise really screws with our blowholes till we can hardly breathe. But the worst are people on jet skies. Not that they’re any louder or any more of a danger to us, it’s just full grown adult men trying to act cool on a jet ski is such an overwhelmingly sad sight, once you see it, it’s hard to stay in sync swimming with the pod.
Racy: But we like the fish the tour boats throw out, but I hate it when they throw Spam, how do humans eat that stuff? Would it kill them to mix it up, though. I get so tired of fish, fish for breakfast, fish for lunch, I’d give my left fin for a good steak.
Spacey: How do you know what a steak is? Have you ever seen a cow, or a grill for that matter?
Racy: I’ve seen a cow. Why are you so agitated today? It’s like you’re challenging me on everything. Does the proposed ban got you that upset, really?
Jock: I wanted to talk more about that, actually. They are talking about stopping people from swimming with dolphins, what do think about that?
Spacey: It would suck! Swimming with humans is our big fun. We’d have to go back to the same old, same old. I mean what else do we have to do all day?
Racy: How many times can you swim around a coral reef?
At this point the two dolphins swam to the surface and Jock threw them two mackerels. They clapped their fins and went back down. Jock thought maybe they were hungry, which was why they weren’t in the best of moods, it seemed.
Jock: You know there are some of you guys in captivity doing tricks for the tourists, what do you think?
Racy: Like my cousin, I pray for him everyday.
(There was a long silence. Jock later told me when we were deep in the bottle of wine he thought he’d killed the interview with the question about captivity, and that he regretted it the second it came out off his lips. But the dolphins did respond.
Spacey: Life goes on.
Racy: Life does go on.
Jock: I have to ask about Dolphintown. A group of people here in Kona claim they have a special connection with dolphins, that they communicate with you, and that you are connected spiritually. Is this true?
(Another long silence.)
Racy: Yeah, we heard about them.
Spacey: Ridiculous.
Racy: Calm down, Spacey …
Spacey: I won’t calm down …
Jock: I didn’t mean to ..
Spacey: No, now listen. I heard one of them flappin’ his human gums about how he watched us during our most intimate moments and it was a sort of revelation for him?! How would you like that? Jock, you’re a father. You have a wife, you have children, I mean, how would you feel … I’m sorry, I just don’t get it.
Jock: I understand. I’m sorry.
Spacey: It’s OK.
Racy: Listen, we like humans, we do. It’s just kind of funny how seriously you take yourselves.
Spacey: Speaking of swimming, there’s some cute hippie chicks coming toward us now. Gink.
Dennis Gregory is a writer, artist, singer, teacher and Kailua-Kona resident who mixes truth, humor and aloha in his biweekly column. He can be reached at makewavess@yahoo.com