Toward the end of the annual Surviving to Thriving: Advocacy, Resources and Support (STARS) group luncheon on Saturday, people got up from their seats to light candles. ADVERTISING Toward the end of the annual Surviving to Thriving: Advocacy, Resources and
Toward the end of the annual Surviving to Thriving: Advocacy, Resources and Support (STARS) group luncheon on Saturday, people got up from their seats to light candles.
The candles were set on a table alongside a row of framed photos. Behind the table, more photos hung against a backdrop.
As people came forward for the candle lighting, some offered stories — a history behind the flickering flame and the faces frozen in time in the photographs. An officer killed on duty. A toddler killed by a drunk driver. Men and women, boys and girls, all taken too soon from those who loved them.
“It is important to remember these people,” Hawaii County prosecutor Mitch Roth said during his remarks at the luncheon. “They still mean something to us.”
STARS is a relatively new incarnation of a group first formed 21 years ago to provide a resource for those who’ve lost loved ones to homicide.
There was no such group available when Gwen Nicolas’ only child, Timothy, was murdered in 1994, along with his friend Marc Miyasaki. Timothy was 23. Marc was 22.
“We really needed a support group at that time,” Nicolas, a STARS cofounder, said.
Through the county prosecuting attorney’s office, she and Miyasaki’s parents connected with a facilitator from the national Parents of Murdered Children support group. Later, Mothers Against Drunk Driving took on facilitating the group, which was growing because of outreach from the prosecuting attorney’s victim assistance office.
Irene Nagao, another STARS cofounder, joined the original group in 1995 after her 27-year-old son was killed, leaving a son of his own behind.
“I think, when it first happened, it was so crucial to have the support of others, because unless you’re in those shoes you can’t really give support … because (you) haven’t experienced it,” Nagao said. But the group has continued to be important to her and her family over the years.
STARS was founded after MADD left its Hilo offices about three years ago, leaving a potential void for the support group. The core group of attendees, including Nicolas and Nagao, knew that, for the sake of those left behind, that couldn’t happen.
“Some people think that after 20 years we’re all over it, it’s pau, it’s gone,” Nagao said.
“For some it is,” Nicolas said. “That’s where they are. But I’ve been involved with it for 21 years. I still need some support occasionally. When you go through something like this it’s really a roller-coaster ride.”
“There’s no time limit to it,” Office of the Prosecutor special projects coordinator Tim Hansen said. “Sometimes it’s the week after the murder, sometimes it’s 10 years after the murder. Whenever it is, we just always want to be there for people.”
Hansen wears multiple hats in the group. He’s there on behalf of his office, but he’s also the family member of a murder victim.
“My uncle was murdered 44 years ago,” he said. “But it was very impactful for my family because it was my mother’s twin brother. It really had a negative effect on my whole family dynamic.”
Hansen had been involved with survivor groups in Minnesota before moving to the Big Island.
“I was eager to see what was happening (here) and to be part of something that was about healing and about moving forward, and that’s what I see STARS doing,” he said.
Besides its monthly meetings, the group also offers one-on-one support.
“I always say if you need to call somebody, you call me no matter what time it is, because I know from my own experience that I didn’t have that,” Nicolas said. She has gone to courthouse sentencings with victims to provide moral support, and helps people write impact statements.
Compounding the immediate sense of loss is the fact that families must continue to confront the matter when they appear in court — in some cases, years later, after the perpetrator appeals the original sentence.
“When you think you’re at a good place, you get knocked back,” Nicolas said.
But it’s often difficult to reach those who need support the most.
“Many people have a hard time talking about it to others,” Nagao said.
“It’s very scary,” Nicolas said. “Sometimes we have to be the ones reaching out to the victims letting them know we are available.”
Another current project is creating Memorial Peace Gardens around the island. Hawaii County designated space for the first such garden in front of the Aupuni Center. The Going Home Consortium, a local group that helps prisoners reintegrate into the community, provided financial support for the project.
And events like Saturday’s luncheon provide a safe and welcoming space to gather and facilitate the healing process. They let people know that they are not alone, that it’s okay to work through grief on their own timelines.
STARS meets the second Thursday of each month from 4 p.m. to 5:30 p.m. at 655 Kilauea Ave. in Hilo. For more information, email starscommitteehawaii@gmail.com.
Email Ivy Ashe at iashe@hawaiitribune-herald.com.
