Dear Annie: I have been with my husband more than 20 years. We have never been separated, even for a few days. We have stuck it out through the good, the bad and the horrible.
Dear Annie: I have been with my husband more than 20 years. We have never been separated, even for a few days. We have stuck it out through the good, the bad and the horrible.
We have two boys who are about to graduate high school, and I am wondering how this will affect our relationship. I am scared he won’t find our life together interesting without any kids to keep things active. I worry the kids have been the knot that has kept us together. Will change split us up? — Patty
Dear Patty: It’s true once the kids leave the nest, some couples discover they have nothing else in common. But most couples use this time to revitalize their marriages and enjoy things they could not do when raising children. This actually can be the best time of your married life.
Think of the qualities that first attracted you to your husband. Start cultivating interests that don’t involve your kids, but in which you and your husband can participate together: gym memberships, book clubs, community choirs, dance lessons, travel, whatever could be fun for both of you. Plan a romantic vacation. Become members of a local theater troupe. Schedule a cooking class together once a month. And you do not have to do everything together. You and your husband undoubtedly have hobbies you’d like to devote time to now that you can, and they don’t have to be joint activities. It’s OK to have your own interests. It will give you something to talk about over dinner.
Dear Annie: As a father, I was deeply offended by the piece you published on Mother’s Day indicating Mom did all kinds of work while Dad watched TV and then went to bed. The portrayal of fathers as lazy, clueless couch potatoes is antiquated. My wife and I both work full time. I changed as many diapers as did my wife and took my daughter to day care, swimming lessons and soccer practice.
I still do all of the grocery shopping, yard work and home repairs, most of the cooking and at least half of the laundry and housecleaning. I am not the only husband who does this. — Burlington, VT
Dear Burlington: We were surprised at the number of people who objected to the essay we ran on Mother’s Day. Read on:
From Redondo Beach, Calif.: I’m a retired ob-gyn. My starter wife had two children from a previous marriage, and we had two of our own. She did not work outside the home, but she had a housekeeper, a gardener and a pool guy, all bought with the income from my medical practice. My income also bought our house, the kitchen in which she made the sandwiches, the food in the freezer and the electricity to keep it running. I bought the clothes in the laundry, the dog, Mom’s moisturizer and toothpaste. When I came home, I’d snuggle with the kids and then sit on the couch and watch the evening news while Mom prepared dinner. Occasionally, I’d doze off, and Mom would chastise me, even though my day began at 2 a.m. with a patient.
Mississippi: In the future, would you please omit the phrase about Mom putting the cat out? As an animal rights activist, I can tell you letting pets roam puts them into a plethora of grave dangers.
Texas: The headline in my local paper said, “Take time to appreciate all moms.” I disagree. It should read most moms. My mother abused me throughout my growing years, and I never heard her say anything positive or encouraging. When she attempted the same with my daughters, that was the last straw.
Boston: I loved the piece on what the Mom and Dad do before they go to bed. Very amusing, and how true! What about adding one more sentence? Dad says: “I’m going to bed. What do you mean you’re not in the mood?”
Annie’s Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Email questions to anniesmailbox@comcast.net, or write to: Annie’s Mailbox, c/o Creators Syndicate, 737 3rd St., Hermosa Beach, CA 90254.
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