Letters 2-25

HB2276

What comes next?

Rep. Linda Ichiyama, D-Moanalua, Moanalua Valley, Salt Lake, has proven herself to be the qualified nanny-state cyber-parent we expected from the terminally politically correct Democrastinators when she crafted and pushed for adopting House Bill 2276, which would cost the state’s parents yet more hard-earned cash when little Kimo dares ride his skateboard without a helmet and perhaps body armor. After all, with all the wonderful redistributionary health care initiatives Big Brother is happy to provide us ingrates with, we can’t have people costing the state money by intentionally getting injured, can we?

I sincerely believe we, as sociological units in a progressive society, have indeed been neglectful about considering the welfare of Ms. lchiyama herself. Truly a state treasure, we should collectively insulate Ms. lchiyama from any possibility of harm so she may pursue the longevity of a political career.

I recommend Ms. Ichiyama be compelled to wear a bicycle helmet at all times lest something unpredictable land on her pointed side. Can you imagine the loss? Furthermore, she should always wear knee and elbow pads on the odd chance she may tumble over and be afflicted by an expensive infection.

Cellphones? People have been killed in traffic just by walking and talking on cellphones, never mind answering their phones while driving. The state cannot afford the loss of an excellent representative like Ms. Ichiyama, so access to cellphones must be removed from her and she must restrict her phone use to land lines. If she is not already chauffeured in traffic, she should make the necessary arrangements to avoid any potential hazard.

And diet? From now on, Ms. lchiyama’s diet must accord with official federal guidelines. This may sound overreaching, but any Democrat worthy of his national socialist sensibilities will tell you she is a functional unit within our power structure and we cannot bear the loss of her, and that, by far, transcends any sentimental, old-fashioned notions of individual liberty and self-promotion. Say goodbye to red meat and dairy, Linda.

Any dangerous recreational activities are the sort of nonsense we must preserve Ms. Ichiyama from indulging. Drinking and smoking are out of the question for her. She should also be drug-tested on a regular basis.

The power-mongers have long understood the best way of maintaining order for the good of the state is by instilling the eternal fear that somehow I’m breaking some law and will eventually be found out — we’re all scofflaws in one sense or another. We owe the state for watching out for us and must feel how severely we’ve betrayed the state by having a beer at the beach or failing to wear our car harnesses.

Ms. lchiyama is one of those who will beat this message into our collective head by whatever means necessary and we should treasure her extreme concern and thoughtful guidance by preserving her any way we can, even if it means locking her up in the lunatic asylum for disruptive mood deregulation disorder — of course, for her own good.

Tom Munden

Kapaau