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Dear Annie: My wife and I have been married for 30 years. She has a son from her first marriage who lives in another state. We haven’t been to “Keith’s” house in four years because my wife has some health problems that keep her from traveling. Her relationship with Keith has always been turbulent.
Keith and his wife are in the process of adopting a child from another country. They put together a booklet of family photos to present to the family that is currently raising the baby. When they showed us the booklet, we noticed her daughter-in-law’s family is well represented, and so is my wife’s ex, but she and I are not in it at all. (We also are not in any of the pictures displayed around their home.)
My wife is trying not to let this upset her, but I think they should know how much this hurt her. I don’t want to jeopardize an already fragile relationship. What should I do? — Left Out
Dear Left Out: The purposeful exclusion of your photos from both the booklet and the family home indicates that Keith is well aware of what he is doing. Decide what you hope to accomplish by talking to him. Would he be sorry for the hurt feelings? Would your daughter-in-law support your position? Please let your wife handle this. Be supportive of her, let her know how much you love and value her, and suggest she get some counseling to help her focus on better ways to deal with Keith.
Dear Annie: My friend and I like the same guy. She’s having a party, and “Mike” is on the guest list. The party is a formal dance, and Mike has been dropping hints that he’d like me to be his date to the party.
As much as I would love to go with him, I don’t know if I should. I don’t want to ruin a friendship. But I also don’t want him to think I’m not interested. I really like this guy. What should I do? — Confused Crush
Dear Confused: This is one of those situations in which, no matter what you do, someone will be unhappy. The fact that your friend has a crush on the same guy doesn’t mean he is interested in her, and your social life should not revolve around her preferences. If the situation were reversed, would she bow out for your sake? Would you want her to? You could tell Mike you’re going to the party anyway, and an official “date” is unnecessary. But it’s best to be honest and not date Mike behind your friend’s back.
Dear Annie: I read the letter from “California,” who was upset because her husband destroys her cookware.
My husband and I have been married almost 50 years. He spent 22 years in the military as a chaplain. He promised that when he retired, he would do the cooking. (His experience consisted of using his Army field hat to cook C-rations.)
He now cooks, vacuums and sometimes does the laundry. And yes, he has broken dishes, and on occasion, the food he makes is not palatable. Sometimes he ruins the laundry. But I praise God that I have a husband who is so loving and caring and willing to do these things. Together we laugh it off, and I say, “I needed some pink panties” or “We could use some new dishes.” He’s 73 with kidney disease, and I might not have him much longer.
So, “California,” be thankful your husband wants to cook for you. He does it because he loves you. Dishes and pans are easily replaced, but a good husband is a jewel to be kept. — Wouldn’t Trade Mine in Pennsylvania
Dear Annie: My longtime boyfriend and I recently married. My entire family was there. They adore my husband. But not a single member of his family attended our little church wedding.
The morning of our wedding, one of his sisters texted my fiance and asked whether it was “done yet.” When I made a comment on my Facebook page about how amazing my new husband is, this same sister rudely commented, “Enough already.”
My boyfriend finally told me this sister thought we should marry in a Catholic church, despite the fact I am not Catholic and both of us attend a non-Catholic church. I believe this is why his family didn’t recognize our special day. I am really hurt. Should I say something or simply ignore this? — Biting My Tongue in Colorado
Dear Colorado: Your husband should have told you about his family’s religious objections before you married. An intermarriage is hardly a trivial matter, and if you have been with this man for a long time, we are surprised you were not aware of the issue. If his family is otherwise accepting, we would let this go. We also suggest you discuss the problem with your clergyperson and ask for guidance.
Annie’s Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Please email your questions to anniesmailboxcomcast.net, or write to: Annie’s Mailbox, c/o Creators Syndicate, 737 3rd St., Hermosa Beach, CA 90254. To find out more about Annie’s Mailbox and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at creators.com.
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