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Dear Annie: Six years ago, I married “Richard.” He is a wonderful, caring, good-looking man. We returned from our honeymoon to find out he had lost his job. The next three years were a roller coaster, and he finally found employment 18 months ago.
Richard has to travel out of state a great deal. He currently rents a home with four other co-workers. It’s about three hours away, and he comes home on the weekends. After work, the guys meet up for dinner and a couple of beers.
The only demand I place on Richard is that he call home and check in once he gets settled for the night. I work a long day and have a 10-year-old and three dogs at home. Sometimes, Richard doesn’t call. If I don’t hear from him by 10 p.m., I phone, but it often takes two hours of trying before he answers. He’ll say he was sleeping. When I ask why he didn’t call as promised, he claims he was tired.
The miles between us take away any control I have to check the possibilities. Richard says I’m overreacting and being childish. I have asked what has him so preoccupied that he neglects to call, but he can’t give me an answer. How should I handle this the next time it happens? — Hands Tied in Michigan
Dear Michigan: Richard may avoid nightly phone calls because he is “otherwise engaged,” but more likely, he is tired and reluctant to deal with what’s going on at home. Don’t wait until the next time. When Richard comes home for the weekend, schedule a quiet chat. As sweetly as you can manage, tell him you look forward to his call all day, and when he doesn’t phone and you can’t reach him, you worry. This makes you stressed, makes him resentful and, over time, will eat away at your marriage.
Dear Annie: My 46-year-old brother died recently. Knowing he had very little money other than his life insurance policy, my entire family paid a good amount toward the funeral.
Several aunts said they sent large memorial checks but never received any acknowledgment. I sent a generous check to cover the cost of the death notice in the newspaper, as well as other expenses. Today, I got a bill in the mail for the death notice. I will pay it, but thought I would copy the bill and send it to my sister-in-law so she knows.
After complaining that she had no money, I saw my sister-in-law buying the kids new toys and clothes. She also bought a new car, although she needed one. None of this would matter if she would take my phone calls, but she won’t speak to me directly. She will only text.
Am I wrong to expect a thank you? Should our family have been included in reading the cards people sent — especially ones addressed to our entire family? A lot of hurt feelings are accumulating because of my sister-in-law’s behavior. — Will Be Grieving a Long Time
Dear Grieving: You’ve been very generous, but your sister-in-law is probably overwhelmed dealing with her husband’s death and the emotional welfare of her children. Why not offer to come over and help her write the thank-you notes? Bring dinner. We think she’d appreciate it.
Dear Annie: “California” complained that her husband liked to cook but often ruined her cookware. I’ll take him! My husband of 22 years was a cheating alcoholic who rarely made it home to eat dinner with the kids and me. “California” should count her blessings. — I’ll Take Your Slob
Dear Take: Thanks for your take on the subject. We received a lot of responses to “California” and will be printing more in future columns.
Annie’s Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Please email your questions to anniesmailboxcomcast.net, or write to: Annie’s Mailbox, c/o Creators Syndicate, 737 3rd St., Hermosa Beach, CA 90254. To find out more about Annie’s Mailbox and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at creators.com.
COPYRIGHT 2012 CREATORS.COM