On-again, off-again relationship must end

Dear Annie: My girlfriend broke up with me in April because she wanted to date another guy. Over the summer, she sent me random emails and text messages about various things, a few of which I answered out of politeness.

In September, we both attended the funeral of a mutual friend. I let her know I wasn’t totally over her, but I was doing OK in her presence. She then said she had broken up with the other guy and she missed all the things we did, still loved me and wanted a relationship.

A week later, she called to say she had spoken to her counselor and all she could offer me at this time was friendship. She then invited the other guy back into her life as “a friend.” But when I checked her Facebook page, I learned she had been having him over to her house every week.

I finally got angry, and we had a blowup. Now she says her counselor told her “men can’t just be friends.” She emailed, telling me we need to move on and she hopes to see me at my upcoming school reunion.

I don’t want to see this woman again, ever. She used me and lied to me. She hurt me more the second time than she did the first. She has no business coming to my school reunion, since she never went to school there. Right now, if she approached me, there would be an angry scene. Am I wrong to feel this way? — Angered in California

Dear Angered: You can’t help how you feel when you’ve been mistreated. This woman seems confused and a little selfish and, frankly, could benefit from spending some time without a man in her life. But try to channel your anger into something constructive. Live your life fully. Make new friends. Date other women. Stop looking at her Facebook page. You deserve better.

Dear Annie: My family recently had a big birthday bash for my father. My sister made a slide show that included photos of my late wife but no photos of my current wife, even though we’ve been together for 12 years. Naturally, my wife feels hurt and claims my sister made clear where she stands with my family. She also asked me not to confront my sister, saying it wouldn’t accomplish anything positive. My wife now wants to cancel future family gatherings where my sister will be present. This same sister caused all kinds of stressful problems with my late wife, and I don’t want to see that repeated. What can I do to mend my wife’s hurt feelings? — Stuck in the Middle

Dear Stuck: Explain to her that your sister behaved abominably to your first wife, too, which indicates she is possessive of you and jealous of your significant others. Please don’t avoid your parents and other siblings because one sister cannot control herself. Even though your wife doesn’t want a confrontation, we think your sister needs to know her behavior is unacceptable. Tell her.

Dear Annie: I was appalled at your response to “Frustrated in Colorado,” whose racist mother-in-law will not accept her biracial adopted daughter, “Amanda,” and, worse, is now moving closer to their area. Why would you suggest she give Grandma the opportunity to spend one more second with this 12-year-old child?

Amanda does not deserve to be in a position to hear more hurtful and ugly opinions from her grandmother. My advice would be to refuse any contact unless the mother-in-law promises to be warm and kind to her. If she cannot or will not make such a promise, let her son visit on his own time, but the wife and daughter have no obligation to do so. — Disagree in Salem

Dear Salem: Perhaps “warm” is expecting too much, but the parents should certainly insist Mom treat the child with kindness and not make any cracks about her place in the family. And we hope living closer will provide the motivation.

Annie’s Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Please email your questions to anniesmailboxcomcast.net, or write to: Annie’s Mailbox, c/o Creators Syndicate, 737 3rd St., Hermosa Beach, CA 90254. To find out more about Annie’s Mailbox and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate webpage at creators.com.

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