Dear Denny …

This week I have decided to offer an advice column. I call it Denny’s Mailbox.

Here are a few letters I received.

Dear Denny,

I am so mad at this incompetent county I could spit. I live in a gated community in Kona. It is gated to keep out the deplorables.

When I heard some water pumps went out I wanted to scream, what am I paying these bozos for? How dare they tell me how much water I can use?

I have a 5,000-gallon swimming pool, a large yard that I need to keep green so I water it with my vast sprinkler system. I have five bathrooms and my family takes seven baths a day. I am a good Republican, I pay my taxes, am I wrong in wanting my regular water usage? — Mad in Holualoa.

Dear Mad: Yes. And I believe that good Republican is an oxymoron.

Dear Denny,

I am a teacher in Kona. My problem is that I only make $60,000 a year, and can barely live on such a pittance.

This is the average salary of teachers in Hawaii with my experience, but I can’t make ends meet living on such a meager amount of money. I suffer greatly.

I do get medical and dental, and my summers off, but $60,000 is peanuts. I need more money to be able to even have the bare essentials in life. What do you think?

— Suffering in the Palisades.

Dear Suffering: I feel your pain. No one should endure the hardship you are going through. I can’t imagine living on $60,000 a year, I really can’t.

Dear Denny,

I am for Hawaiian sovereignty, seceding from the United States and forming one Hawaiian Nation. We will disband all ties with the U.S. government that stole our aina and enslaved us to a corrupt American system.

I refuse to recognize the U.S. government and from now on I live my life in the Hawaiian Nation. Are you with me, bruddah? — Sovereignty Seeker in Ocean View.

Dear Sovereignty Seeker: I’d join you but I like my Social Security check and the convenience of firemen, police, education and driving on public roads, to name a few benefits you must give up with the new Hawaiian government. I’d think this over if I were you.

Dear Denny:

I read in the local paper about horrible things happening here everyday. Husbands beating up their wives, muggings on Alii, dead bodies found in coffee fields, homeless getting run out of the park.

I see bumper stickers with deadly machine guns next to the license plate that says Aloha State. That’s hypocritical if you ask me. My problem is, how can we call this the Aloha State with all the horrible things happening here? — Confused in Keauhou.

Dear Confused: Beats me, I guess calling it the Violent State would be bad for tourism.

Dear Denny:

You can drink alcohol in every public park on the island, but you can’t drink in the parks on the Kona side. Why is that? With all the wild stuff happening here, I think we could really use a drink. — Sober in Kona

Dear Sober: I’m with you, bruddah. Aloha.

Dennis Gregory writes a biweekly column for West Hawaii Today. He appreciates your comments at makewavess@yahoo.com